Mary,

Let me affirm to you that you are perfectly normal.

After someone you love has died, even someone you have loved as deeply as your husband, there comes a point over time, where you will have to some degree accepted their death.

You will find that even though you may have relapses along the way, the time and energy you spend deep in active grieving and sorrow slowly declines.

As this happens you will find that although nothing will be as it was before, because it can not be the same, you gradually start to be able to find a new normal for yourself and your life.

You find moments that you are able to enjoy life again, laugh with people again, feel genuine happiness again and finally begin to make positive plans for the future that you are left to face.

This can initially be very painful; you may feel guilty at moving on. This is very normal. In these times we have to give ourselves permission to enjoy life again. We have to be secure in the knowledge that it is what our loved one would have wanted.

We do not try to replace our loved one. We could never replace our loved one, nor the life we had together. We instead find a way to continue our life in the best way we can.

I hope this has helped, my thoughts and support are with you.

Sunny

Dear Mali,
I do understand what you are asking. I have felt a similar pain and sadness many times.

I can only offer you what I know for myself in regards to it.

First, I do not believe that it is by accident that you are feeling that sadness in your chest. Your chest holds your heart, and your heart is a delicate and sacred gift that feels deeply and purely.

When we listen to our bodies it tells us so much!

Imagine for a moment that you step outside of who Mali is today, and look at Mali from the perspective of the sum total of her experiences.

Today, Mali may have many blessings and joys in her life that she is very grateful for.

But Mali may also hold from her past experiences, pain, loss, and sadness that are unresolved pieces from her past.

Every experience that we have in life is recorded in our bodies.

So, is it so surprising that all the "little things" build up and need some place to express themselves?

We think we have put issues to rest at times, but our body tells us when that isn't completely true.

We can put things to rest in our minds or mentally, we will have analyzed and "figured it out", in other words, we know what we should do. We know we need to accept. We know we need to forgive. But knowing and doing and being are three different things.

First, it is good that we know, because we have to know or have awareness of an issue before we can address it. But that is just the first step in the healing process.

This state of knowing includes just accepting that the issue of unrest exists. Sitting with it and feeling it deeply. When we know all that we can know about it, then we are ready for the next step, which is the step of doing or healing it.


Next we must decide if we want to keep the issue or let it go. If we are ready to let it go, then we start doing. That is bringing mindful intention to the issue. Here we use our tools, we use our breathing, our meditation, our studies, our journals, our prayers, our affirmations, our therapies, we pull out all of the tools we know how to "do" in order to put action to the thought of healing ourselves.

This stage of doing happens in levels or layers. We can reference it as thinking of it as the layers of an onion. We begin peeling off one layer at a time, only to find another layer.

You must hold great patience with yourself in this regard. Nothing is on your time. There is no time. There is only now.

Finally we come to a stage of being; in this stage we find a deeper learning about ourselves in all of this. We learn to go to the core or the beliefs about the issue and we detach ourselves from the trauma of the event. We understand truly and fully that the event means nothing anymore because it does not define us. We are egoless in regards to the event.
The event was just an event.

It was a learning tool from which we grew as a Spiritual Being and we are at a place of peace and true gratitude for the learning and growth we have experienced.

I hope this resinates and helps in some way.

Let me know.
Sunny

Hi David,
I liked what you had to say about feelings "waking up". They do sometimes feel like sleeping Giants who all of a sudden raises up and over power us.
Also, I agree, baby steps are so important. Everything in nature has its own season and unfolds at its own pace. Imagine how much we would miss if the first daffodil of spring woke up already unfurled and immediately was ready to wither and seed, instead of first poking its little green head up out of the damp ground and then stretching up to the sky with its bright green leaves and long straight stem and then finally, like a jack in the box who can't wait any longer, bursting into the beautiful, happy, yellow, sunshine of a flower that it is that lasts for weeks.
Jenna

Hi Rick
Aww come on, you know we love your diatribes! We even love that you can spell diatribes! lol
I agree with what you are saying about the emotional attachment you speak about (you call it attaching a piece of yourself to the experience)My opinion is there might be an ego attachment perhaps to this experience, however that ego attachment is more importantly based, I believe, in an emotional response.
This emotional attachment if it remains unresolved actually is materialized within our bodies as an energetic piece that our attention is constantly on until resolution is accomplished (forgiveness and acceptance). Even though the event happened in the past..because time is not linear and at some level of our awareness is constantly on it, this disallows us our full potential of use of our life-force energy for the "now".
I think if we can resolve these emotional pieces and gather the energy we have scattered in the past and future we would automatically move into another realm of consciousness.
If you look at the newest additions this week (Under Mind-Body-Spirit) there are several video presentations on emotions being a force able to manifest physically not only within our bodies but out into the physical world.
Thanks for the contribution to the page and welcome!
Sunny