Care Giving Is Like A Ball Of Yarn written by SB
Care giving for a loved one is like a ball of yarn. You start one day at one simple end and you begin to wind the yarn to try to make it into a workable ball for you. Sometimes you are focused on winding and can see the intricate patterns that the yarn makes as the ball beings to form and the beautiful yarn spins around and around.
Other times you wind mindlessly, as your thoughts are focused on the 6 million other things life is presenting for you to think about at that same moment. Then at some point along the way, more than likely, the ball of yarn slips from your fingers for a moment and rolls across the floor. Some of your work of winding is undone, but not all of it. You pick it up and start from where it unraveled.
You often are a little bit frustrated over the fact that the ball of yarn always seems to roll into the murkiest of places when it drops. The blessing is, as you pick up the ball again, you never have to begin completely over. You have made progress along the way!
You wind and you wind and at times it seems you wind even in your sleep. You are ever watchful to be sure that ball does not fall to the floor again. Sometimes you have nightmares of the ball getting completely out of hand and winding itself around every item in the house making such a horrendous tangle that seems impossible to solve. When you wake you are reassured that it was just a dream and you continue to wind.
You wind and you wind some more and sometimes you ask, will this process never end? Will I be winding forever? And then one day it does end. Now you have a new problem, what does one do when your whole life revolves around winding yarn and there is no more yarn to wind?
Other times you wind mindlessly, as your thoughts are focused on the 6 million other things life is presenting for you to think about at that same moment. Then at some point along the way, more than likely, the ball of yarn slips from your fingers for a moment and rolls across the floor. Some of your work of winding is undone, but not all of it. You pick it up and start from where it unraveled.
You often are a little bit frustrated over the fact that the ball of yarn always seems to roll into the murkiest of places when it drops. The blessing is, as you pick up the ball again, you never have to begin completely over. You have made progress along the way!
You wind and you wind and at times it seems you wind even in your sleep. You are ever watchful to be sure that ball does not fall to the floor again. Sometimes you have nightmares of the ball getting completely out of hand and winding itself around every item in the house making such a horrendous tangle that seems impossible to solve. When you wake you are reassured that it was just a dream and you continue to wind.
You wind and you wind some more and sometimes you ask, will this process never end? Will I be winding forever? And then one day it does end. Now you have a new problem, what does one do when your whole life revolves around winding yarn and there is no more yarn to wind?
For online tips for caregivers:
National Alliance for Caregiving
www.caregiving.org/resources/web-resources
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National Hospice and Palliative Care -Caring Connections
http://www.caringinfo.org/i4a/pages/index.cfm?pageid=1
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CaregiverStress.com
http://www.caregiverstress.com/caregiving-topics/
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Senior Guidance
https://www.seniorguidance.org/
If you are caregiving for someone with dementia you can find additional support on this site under Mind/Body/Spirit - Health Resources -Alzheimer and Dementia Resources
What is Caregiver Burnout? Written by SB
Burnout is when there is an imbalance between the amount of energy of what you give and the amount of energy you allow yourself to receive. Feelings of burnout in a caregiving situation occurs when there is too much work that is expected to be done and too little support available from various sources to provide it.
A healthy caregiving situation allows the caregiver to know that they can step away from the act of caregiving for a time to recharge their energy levels and the person they are caregiving for will still be safe and cared for during that time.
Every caregiving situation is different and so how this dynamic works within each situation is unique to the individuals and circumstances involved. Each caregiver must find what works best for themselves.
The importance is to recognize that if you are a caregiver that is burned out, you cannot provide the quality of care you are attempting to provide, without doing harm to yourself or others. Finding time to nurture and care for your own self is crucial in being a healthy caregiver.
Time might be limited, but even learning to stop for a few minutes each hour to just provide yourself a little space will help.
Some tools that you can start to put into your daily routine for yourself to keep in touch with yourself and nurture yourself might be in the form of going outside for a moment and getting a recharge from the beauty of nature, even if you do not have time to walk, just viewing nature can help be a healing source to you.
If you can find the time for a walk, that is even better because you can incorporate exercise into the experience.
Keeping a journal of your thoughts and feelings and reactions helps to get those thoughts and feelings out of your head and onto paper where they can be more easily managed. Prayer and meditation or even just a few minutes of relaxation and deep breathing will provide an opportunity for a release of mental stress. Exercises, yoga, walking or gardening are activities that can relieve bodily stress through activity.
Burnout is when there is an imbalance between the amount of energy of what you give and the amount of energy you allow yourself to receive. Feelings of burnout in a caregiving situation occurs when there is too much work that is expected to be done and too little support available from various sources to provide it.
A healthy caregiving situation allows the caregiver to know that they can step away from the act of caregiving for a time to recharge their energy levels and the person they are caregiving for will still be safe and cared for during that time.
Every caregiving situation is different and so how this dynamic works within each situation is unique to the individuals and circumstances involved. Each caregiver must find what works best for themselves.
The importance is to recognize that if you are a caregiver that is burned out, you cannot provide the quality of care you are attempting to provide, without doing harm to yourself or others. Finding time to nurture and care for your own self is crucial in being a healthy caregiver.
Time might be limited, but even learning to stop for a few minutes each hour to just provide yourself a little space will help.
Some tools that you can start to put into your daily routine for yourself to keep in touch with yourself and nurture yourself might be in the form of going outside for a moment and getting a recharge from the beauty of nature, even if you do not have time to walk, just viewing nature can help be a healing source to you.
If you can find the time for a walk, that is even better because you can incorporate exercise into the experience.
Keeping a journal of your thoughts and feelings and reactions helps to get those thoughts and feelings out of your head and onto paper where they can be more easily managed. Prayer and meditation or even just a few minutes of relaxation and deep breathing will provide an opportunity for a release of mental stress. Exercises, yoga, walking or gardening are activities that can relieve bodily stress through activity.
Hope,Ethics and the Deeply Forgetful: The Caregiver
“When you find true acceptance of the here and now, impatience disappears.” ~SB~
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Patience and Caregiving Written by SB
Losing patience when you are caregiving is a common problem. There are a multitude of circumstances that can lead to frustration and loss of patience.
Finding patience as a caregiver means letting go of what you want that is not happening, and embrace and accept what is happening in that moment. Next, stop for a moment and rephrase what is happening from a different perspective.
Take a deep breath and ask yourself some of these questions; is what I want really important under the circumstances? Is what I want based on safety and comfort of the person I am caring for? Is what I want congruent with their perspective of what is important to them, or is it based on a belief system that I have that I want them to have too? What am I most afraid of in this moment? What other solution can I find to solve this problem? Who can I ask for support or help from?
Most of the times we want something to happen that is not happening in that moment. Learn to accept the moment for what it is, the non-happening, and be okay in this moment that it is not happening. When we let go of our expectations of having a different outcome, we can then just go with the flow of what is happening in this moment.
Regardless of what is happening in the moment, this too shall pass. Nothing remains the same at all times. What is happening in this moment is not going to be the same as what is happening in the next moment.
It is easier to change your own thoughts about something than to get someone else to change theirs. If your thoughts are not working for this situation, try a new way of thinking. Finding other solutions or offering a different way of doing things is often a caregiver’s best tool. If what you are doing is not working, then stop, and formulate a new strategy.
Find support. We often have trouble asking for help, or even accepting help when it is offered. Sometimes we don’t know where to find support. Be open to allowing others into your world to assist you in ways you are comfortable with. Finding support may also be a personal endeavor of reading a helpful comment on a resource site. Use resource sites such as this to be a support systems for you.
Have patience with yourself. You are under a huge amount of stress and worry as a caregiver; even though we try to be perfect, we are only able to be human and that is okay. The best we can do is hold our standards high and do our best in this moment with what we have and who we are.
Losing patience when you are caregiving is a common problem. There are a multitude of circumstances that can lead to frustration and loss of patience.
Finding patience as a caregiver means letting go of what you want that is not happening, and embrace and accept what is happening in that moment. Next, stop for a moment and rephrase what is happening from a different perspective.
Take a deep breath and ask yourself some of these questions; is what I want really important under the circumstances? Is what I want based on safety and comfort of the person I am caring for? Is what I want congruent with their perspective of what is important to them, or is it based on a belief system that I have that I want them to have too? What am I most afraid of in this moment? What other solution can I find to solve this problem? Who can I ask for support or help from?
Most of the times we want something to happen that is not happening in that moment. Learn to accept the moment for what it is, the non-happening, and be okay in this moment that it is not happening. When we let go of our expectations of having a different outcome, we can then just go with the flow of what is happening in this moment.
Regardless of what is happening in the moment, this too shall pass. Nothing remains the same at all times. What is happening in this moment is not going to be the same as what is happening in the next moment.
It is easier to change your own thoughts about something than to get someone else to change theirs. If your thoughts are not working for this situation, try a new way of thinking. Finding other solutions or offering a different way of doing things is often a caregiver’s best tool. If what you are doing is not working, then stop, and formulate a new strategy.
Find support. We often have trouble asking for help, or even accepting help when it is offered. Sometimes we don’t know where to find support. Be open to allowing others into your world to assist you in ways you are comfortable with. Finding support may also be a personal endeavor of reading a helpful comment on a resource site. Use resource sites such as this to be a support systems for you.
Have patience with yourself. You are under a huge amount of stress and worry as a caregiver; even though we try to be perfect, we are only able to be human and that is okay. The best we can do is hold our standards high and do our best in this moment with what we have and who we are.
Caregiver Guilt Written by SB
Guilt is a natural experience in life and in caregiving situations.
When we feel guilt as a caregiver, it is often because we feel we were not perfect. There is no perfect when caring for another person. If you give a hundred percent to another person, there is nothing left to care for yourself. If you can’t care for yourself, you jeopardize the person you are caring for.
Life does not stand still for you, so you can have the time, energy, and patience it takes to care for another person without huge stressors and distractions. Prioritize what stressors you are given at any moment and know you cannot be everything to everyone at the same time.
When you have realistic expectations of yourself, you can balance your desire to do the best for the person you are caring for and your own human limitations.
Every caregiving situation is unique. Every dynamic between the caregiver and the patient is different. The stressors for each person will be different. Seek out caregiver counseling support so when you have doubts about what is the best in a situation; you have someone to bounce the dynamics of the situation off of for another perspective.
When you do your best, you know you have strengths and weaknesses. When you can admit your weaknesses then you can find supports to assist in areas. In doing so, you make a stronger base of support for the person you are caring for.
Redefine your expectations of perfection. Strive to do your best. Keep your expectations high, but know your limitations. Ask for help and also be willing to accept help that is offered. Educate yourself so you can know what resources are available to you. Be compassionate to yourself.
Take a break, refocus your energies, learn from the experience that triggers the guilt, find an intervention that will make the outcome different if the circumstances ever happens again and resolve to do better in the next moment.
Guilt is a natural experience in life and in caregiving situations.
When we feel guilt as a caregiver, it is often because we feel we were not perfect. There is no perfect when caring for another person. If you give a hundred percent to another person, there is nothing left to care for yourself. If you can’t care for yourself, you jeopardize the person you are caring for.
Life does not stand still for you, so you can have the time, energy, and patience it takes to care for another person without huge stressors and distractions. Prioritize what stressors you are given at any moment and know you cannot be everything to everyone at the same time.
When you have realistic expectations of yourself, you can balance your desire to do the best for the person you are caring for and your own human limitations.
Every caregiving situation is unique. Every dynamic between the caregiver and the patient is different. The stressors for each person will be different. Seek out caregiver counseling support so when you have doubts about what is the best in a situation; you have someone to bounce the dynamics of the situation off of for another perspective.
When you do your best, you know you have strengths and weaknesses. When you can admit your weaknesses then you can find supports to assist in areas. In doing so, you make a stronger base of support for the person you are caring for.
Redefine your expectations of perfection. Strive to do your best. Keep your expectations high, but know your limitations. Ask for help and also be willing to accept help that is offered. Educate yourself so you can know what resources are available to you. Be compassionate to yourself.
Take a break, refocus your energies, learn from the experience that triggers the guilt, find an intervention that will make the outcome different if the circumstances ever happens again and resolve to do better in the next moment.