When Your Loved One Ends Their Own Life
Suicide cuts across all sex, age, and economic barriers. People of all ages complete suicide, men and women as well as young children, the rich as well as the poor. No one is immune to this tragedy.
Why would anyone willingly hasten or cause his or her own death? Mental health professionals who have been searching for years for an answer to that question generally agree that people who took their own lives felt trapped by what they saw as a hopeless situation. Whatever the reality, whatever the emotional support provided, they felt isolated and cut off from life, friendships, etc. Even if no physical illness was present suicide victims felt intense pain, anguish, and hopelessness. John Newer, author of After Suicide, says, "He or she probably wasn't choosing death as much as choosing to end this unbearable pain."
Were there financial burdens that couldn't be met? ...marriage or family problems? ...divorce? ...scholastic goals that weren't achieved? ...loss of a special friendship? ...the death of a close friend or spouse? A combination of these or other circumstances could have precipitated suicide, or it could have been a response to a physiological depression. Although many people face similar problems and overcome them, your loved one could find no solution other than death.
But sometimes there are no apparent causes. No matter how long and hard you search for a reason, you won't be able to answer the "WHY" that haunts you. Each suicide is individual, regardless of the generalisations about the "whys", and there may be no way you will completely understand the suicide victim's thought process.
As you look for answers and understanding, you also need to deal with your feelings of shock, anger and guilt. The intensity of your feelings will depend on how close you were to the deceased and the degree of involvement you had with his or her life. As each suicide is individual, so will your reaction, healing, and coping process be unique.
Rascal Flatts- Why
Blaine Larsen- How Do You Get That Lonely
Shoulder to Shoulder: I will never quit on life July 13, 2010
These real Soldier stories for Army Suicide Prevention can reduce the stigma associated with personal distress.
From within the circle,
We talk about the past,
Hear their cries and mourn their pain,
A life that left too fast.
We ache to feel their arms,
To give them one last kiss.
They can not ever know the pain,
How greatly they are missed.
We are left with questions,
More piercing than a knife,
Haunting thoughts that press our minds,
What made you take your life.
We dare reach out our hand,
Please help us understand,
As we all struggle with the pain,
Our pain is now the same.
We face the future lost,
We grieve such a high cost,
Regrets, anger, guilt and shame,
Become the life and game.
We struggle for our breath,
Anger of senseless death,
Looking how to carry on,
Now that our love is gone.
Memories hurt and heal,
Most too painful to feel,
We reach for anothers hand,
Together we will stand.
Our hearts cry out the tears,
Our words cry out the fears,
You are gone without a trace,
Now life we have to face.
After a loss of this kind; there are only questions with no true answers, pain that feels endless, anger we never want to have, regrets, guilt, blame, and shame. It is in these times we need to find support systems that are available to us that comfort us and help us to carry on. Please engage this sight to find the support systems that work for you.